Cigar Smoker’s Blues

I bought a cheaper
cigar than usual,  
and I don’t know
if I got gypped
or the moisture level
in the shop’s humidor 
was set too high,
but the draw was terrible
and the damned thing
wouldn’t stay lit.

I ran through
a box of matches 
trying to keep it going,
and it just kept
dying on me.
It wasn’t normal.

After 15 minutes
of fruitless labor, 
I noticed that the filler
was barely burning,
and the wrapper
at the end of it
was still too moist.

Like Freud never said,
“Sometimes a cigar
is just a cigar”—but cigars 
are supposed to work.
Why wasn’t it working? 
What was wrong?

Then I remembered
what Carlin said:
“Sometimes a cigar
is a big brown dick!”
And this one was being 
a dick alright, but that wasn’t 
the answer I had in mind,

and I wasn’t exactly a 
“business criminal asshole 
sucking on the wet end of it;”
I was a modest connoisseur  
who enjoyed a good smoke—
and the pressing matter 
was that I couldn’t smoke.

So I grabbed my 
surgical steel cutter,
chopped off the tip,
and started over.   

It worked. The draw 
was much smoother.
And it finally stayed lit...

First-world problem solved!

I smoked it down to the ring
with a generous pour of single malt
Glenlivet French Oak Reserve; 
then I let it go out, and never 
bought that brand again.

Don't get me wrong,
it wasn't that bad.
For an inexpensive
petit corona, the palate
contained pleasant notes
of cedar and vanilla,
despite its predictably
uneven character;
the finish had more 'bite'
than I was accustomed to,
but putting aside that
lack of refinement,
I still gave it an 85.

And it didn’t mean anything.
It was just a cigar. At least, 
that's what I thought.
Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Cigar Smoker’s Blues

Comment Section/Memory Hole

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s