Florence Italy

Yesterday at the Accademia Gallery 
a visibly disturbed middle-aged man 
walked in with a carpenter’s hammer  
and began smashing the left foot 
   of Michelangelo’s David, 
why, because the Venetian woman 
in a nearby painting from the 16th Century 
told him to, which is difficult 
to prove, but what an affront 
to the arts establishment, 
although the man was seized 
by museum patrons
before he inflicted serious damage 
(before he could climb the pedestal 
and use that hammer 
on something else 
                                       in case The Giant 
gets any ideas about the Sabine Women 
in the other room), 
                                       and they were 
able to collect the broken pieces, 
so the World’s Most Famous Sculpture 
is repairable to the relief of millions, 
not to mention the curators. 
I just hope the police don’t go too deep 
on the crazy son of a bitch, he’s unemployed, 
and after he croaks he’ll have it even worse 
   when Michelangelo has him fed
   to the Three-Headed Dog of Hades 
for trying to pummel his beautiful boy into coarse powder. 
But getting back to the woman in the painting, 
whose true identity remains unknown—
the charming albeit nameless sitter 
who found a way into that poor idiot’s head—
what was the beef between La Bella Nani 
and the towering, celebrated hero of the Bible, 
the one so adored by the pious 

                                     and the peasants,

getting all the attention 
with that satisfied look on his face, 
and he’s not even circumcised, 
the pompous little prick.

 

Notes: 

This poem was inspired by an actual event that happened in September, 1991. 
Here’s the story that appeared in The New York Times.

Since before its completion by Michelangelo, the David has been nicknamed The Giant. 

Portrait of a Venetian Woman (La Bella Nani) was painted by Paolo Veronese in 1560, 
and depicts a wealthy noblewoman. The identity of the painting's model is unknown. 

The “Sabine Women” refers to the original plaster for The Rape of the Sabine Women 
(ca. 1574-82) by Flemish sculptor Giambologna. The plaster is another work on display 
at the Accademia Gallery.

Sources: Wikipedia
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