Misfortune Cookies (Ten Delicious Artificial Flavors)

Made from 100% recycled nonsense having nothing to do with you in particular.


Positive motivation is shit, in case you're relying on a fortune cookie to tell you otherwise.


Avoid personal challenges that could undermine your negative self-image.


You'll probably die alone in bed while watching a late night infomercial.


Don't worry, there's still time to pursue some sort of purpose in your life.
Wait, this is a misprint.


This is probably the best you can do, so go ahead and give up now.


At this point, it's best to admit that your father should've pulled out early.


You still have a friend in vodka.


Congratulations, you were the product in this meaningless transaction.


We hope you enjoy your food poisoning. Please come again.
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